Dear Mornings,

Why must you suck so bad? I can think of a million different things I'd rather be doing at 6:30 AM than waking up. Okay, okay, so I can only think of one thing, but it's something I rather excel at. Sleeping. Sleeping is what should happen at that ungodly hour. An alarm clock at that time is just plain rude. So can you find a way to not be so sucky?

Signed,
I'd Rather be Snoozing in E-ham

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Dear Comfy Bed O'Mine,

Wow. You rock my world. You're soft. And comfortable. And warm. Inviting. Conducive to hitting the snooze past the point that the alarm actually goes off. As I despise mornings, can you turn rock solid at the same time my alarm goes off so that I may actually get up on time? No? Okay, well, I'll just keep pulling the blankets over my head and cozy up to the tots that inevitably find their way in.

Signed,
Queen of the Snooze Button

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Dear Creator of Laundry Hampers,

Hi. So I'm short. Not elfin short, but short enough to not be able to buy regular length pants. And I'm proportioned correctly. Thus, I do not have ape arms. Considering my dirty laundry goes into said hamper, I really do not like going in head first up to my shoulders in the hamper to get that one lone sock that always manages to find it's way to the bottom of the hamper. Hampers smell of dirty socks and something else that should not be named. I always feel a need to shower after half my body has been crammed inside of the hamper. What I'm really trying to say is, short people do laundry too. They also buy laundry hampers. If you could make a hamper that does not require contortionist type moves to get the laundry out, that would be phenomenal.

Signed,
Short in Stature

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Dear Man,

Yes, you are undeniably cute. But even the cute get in trouble. And not even your award-winning mischievous grin of yours will get you of your discipline. The sooner you learn that, the better off we'll both be. I'm only bringing it up because it's hard to follow through with disciplinary measures when you are looking up at me with those big blue eyes and all-knowing smile.

Signed,
Wrapped Around Your Finger,
Momma

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Dear Nightmares,

Really? Still? I'm 27. Isn't there like a cut-off time for you? Yeah, I get the occasional bad dream. But to still have heart-pounding, scream-inducing, sweat-producing nightmares as an adult just seems wrong. Stop with the horror movies you say? But I don't have nightmares about Jigsaw or Leatherface . So can you just stop already?

Signed,
Scared Sh*tless at 3 AM

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