Dear Daelyn,
I'm sorry you got sick today. The triple whammy sucks. But next time you get sick, can you please keep it to yourself? I can't wipe your butt when I'm on the toilet in the other bathroom. And it really p*sses me off when you feel better a mere half hour later when I'm still sick to my stomach five hours later.
Signed,
Your fellow shatter,
and *ss wiping momma

***

Dear Man,
I'm sorry to send you off to Pappy's house when it seemed like the beginnings of a great day because Daelyn would be home all day. However, I only did so for your benefit. Trust me. This. Bug. Is. Awful. And, okay okay, maybe for a bit of my benefit as well. I can hardly keep up with on a good day. There was no way I could handle your high energy levels when I can't decide what end of my body to put on the toilet because my stomach is rumbling. AND, considering you're just 2 1/2 and recently potty-trained, I don't want to see what diarrhea looks like on your impossibly cute heiny.
Signed,
The still sick one
and *ss-wiping momma

***

Dear Big Tub,
Thank. You. So. Freaking. Much. for providing an hour of entertainment to the tots and some quiet while I tried to squelch the inner rumblings of my tummy.
Signed,
The one who cleans your big self


***

Dear Gia & Sophie,
I love you. You both know that. But can you please oh please oh please not bark up a storm when I'm lying on the couch recovering from my most recent sprint to the bathroom? I blame you for my headache.
Signed,
The one who feeds you
Momma

***

Dear Trash Company,
WTF? 2 weeks in a row and you don't pick up our trash until we call you? Our bill is paid. Our trash is not overflowing. There is no yard clippings in the can. I don't like looking like the lazy *ss neighbors who just don't know how bring their trash can back to the house at the end of trash day when the truth is you just never came and got it. We recycle now. We have considerably less trash. We got a bigger, more durable trash can after you destroyed the last one. Now do as we pay you to do and haul our trash away without a call from us first.
Signed,
The ones near the hospital
That. You. Forget. Routinely.

***

Dear Pappy,
Thanks for taking the man for me today. There was no possible way I could handle the man today. I am sorry for all the tears that ensued. However, I'll just call it as payment for the multiple layers of dirt and grime that inevitably finds its way on the tots when they go to your house.
Signed,
Your Favorite Daughter
And Mother of your grand-tots

***

Dear HH,
Thank you for the Gatorade and Pedialyte this afternoon. You have no idea how much we needed it.
Signed,
Sick momma
and sick tot